Tuesday, July 22, 2008
can't pay attention
He doesn't want to want to go to the bar again. but there he is, standing in the doorway of Leo's, completely unable to imagine any place else to spend his money. it wasn't that Herman Guild didn't have goals. More that he liked to drink.
it was easy living in the city and Leo's was the easiest place going. Herman had a running advantage over most of the other regulars in that he reliably supplied extraordinary tips. that got him things like the occassional car bomb, gratis. or sometimes a telephone call in the kitchen.
he didn't want to want to go in the bar again. and there he is, standing in the doorway.
it was easy living in the city and Leo's was the easiest place going. Herman had a running advantage over most of the other regulars in that he reliably supplied extraordinary tips. that got him things like the occassional car bomb, gratis. or sometimes a telephone call in the kitchen.
he didn't want to want to go in the bar again. and there he is, standing in the doorway.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
blackwood
i'm rough on the keyboard. i like the old things. old things for me.
there was a girl. four years ago we knew each other in bed. tonight we know each other better.
she has such small shoulders. we have such bad habits.
she's tougher now than she was, and more tired looking. but she's also calmer, looks around more often. when she looks at me i like it.
she breaks the strings on my guitar trying to tune them while i fuck around with bad cables. we smoke. she empties her purse on my couch looking for something.
her small hard shoulder bumps into me, and she looks out the open door every other minute. I keep thinking she's gonna run for it, and then she'll turn and hug me and say she loves me.
there was a girl. four years ago we knew each other in bed. tonight we know each other better.
she has such small shoulders. we have such bad habits.
she's tougher now than she was, and more tired looking. but she's also calmer, looks around more often. when she looks at me i like it.
she breaks the strings on my guitar trying to tune them while i fuck around with bad cables. we smoke. she empties her purse on my couch looking for something.
her small hard shoulder bumps into me, and she looks out the open door every other minute. I keep thinking she's gonna run for it, and then she'll turn and hug me and say she loves me.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
gathering concern
just before sunset, Sunshine finally shows up. almost three hours late. alone.
she slides in across from me at the picnic table and roots around in her purse; all pastey and shakey curtained by liquored-out hair.
'so, where is he?' i finally have to ask.
'not coming.'
'not coming. this is unbelievable.'
she gives me the sideways death stare.
'what went wrong?'
'you don't want to know. light?'
no. i quit.'
'i liked you better when you smoked.'
'what's the difference?'
'all the eye contact.'
'you know, there's an envelope to all this. to their patience.' i try to make it even-handed, 'everyone is aware you're under pressure sunshine, but there is gathering concern...'
no reaction unless you count the predictable stonewall. a heavy silence crept over the deserted parkette. mastering my panic ins't one of my strengths and she knows it. i crack as per usual.
'we're fucked now, you realize that? it's complete calamity. are you registering this Sun? please, tell me what you think my options are.'
'yes!' flourishing a found match she ignites her 100. 'don't be so dire Siggie. it makes you unattractive. life is a comedy remember? you used to say that.'
'please, just tell me what went wrong. tell me something i can tell them.'
she laughs out a smoke plume. 'tell them it was food poisoning.'
she slides in across from me at the picnic table and roots around in her purse; all pastey and shakey curtained by liquored-out hair.
'so, where is he?' i finally have to ask.
'not coming.'
'not coming. this is unbelievable.'
she gives me the sideways death stare.
'what went wrong?'
'you don't want to know. light?'
no. i quit.'
'i liked you better when you smoked.'
'what's the difference?'
'all the eye contact.'
'you know, there's an envelope to all this. to their patience.' i try to make it even-handed, 'everyone is aware you're under pressure sunshine, but there is gathering concern...'
no reaction unless you count the predictable stonewall. a heavy silence crept over the deserted parkette. mastering my panic ins't one of my strengths and she knows it. i crack as per usual.
'we're fucked now, you realize that? it's complete calamity. are you registering this Sun? please, tell me what you think my options are.'
'yes!' flourishing a found match she ignites her 100. 'don't be so dire Siggie. it makes you unattractive. life is a comedy remember? you used to say that.'
'please, just tell me what went wrong. tell me something i can tell them.'
she laughs out a smoke plume. 'tell them it was food poisoning.'
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
the straightener
i don't know how i met her exactly. you'd be bored by the remembrance. the only reason i'm even thinking about her is because of the velvet underground. not the bar.
i think it's cheap to introduce art to make it seem like taste equals character. but i do it anyway.
i guess there are more obscure ways to tell people you're in love. maybe not telling anyone is the best way.
i don't want another one of the women i always get. but those are exactly the women i can't stop thinking about. the ones that give you excuses to leave everything.
leaving your doors open in the summer means you're gonna get flies.
i think it's cheap to introduce art to make it seem like taste equals character. but i do it anyway.
i guess there are more obscure ways to tell people you're in love. maybe not telling anyone is the best way.
i don't want another one of the women i always get. but those are exactly the women i can't stop thinking about. the ones that give you excuses to leave everything.
leaving your doors open in the summer means you're gonna get flies.
Saturday, July 05, 2008
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
know what i know
i would say this to any kid who wanted to play a hot song for a girl. learn "love gun" by kiss. trust me. slow it down. play it acoustic. surprise her. will ferrell is making a living off this shit.
no gunga din
you say you can't do things but it's only you're lazy.
-- i'd fight you for saying that!
-- i'd fight you for saying that!
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
got your machine
i think we put more into the strokes than they put into us.
-- i tried calling you last night. got your machine.
it's too late.
-- that's not fair. you can't just make decisions about people.
what about the huns?
-- don't be sensational.
you're old. you think concern is action. i'm telling you, you--
-- --they're finding feet in british columbia. you read that?
i don't get you sometimes.
-- ah it's just conversation.
-- i tried calling you last night. got your machine.
it's too late.
-- that's not fair. you can't just make decisions about people.
what about the huns?
-- don't be sensational.
you're old. you think concern is action. i'm telling you, you--
-- --they're finding feet in british columbia. you read that?
i don't get you sometimes.
-- ah it's just conversation.
Saturday, June 07, 2008
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
this train is definitely crashing
he was the kind of guy that never listened. the type that ask a lot of questions while their eyes wander over your shoulders. in the beginning i think he might have been just nervous and pubescent. but later on, you could tell, suburban.
living downtown is no badge. but you've got to respect it. lots of people come to mingle and browse here. but they don't get it.
i think to be an artist you need to live in a fantasy land. because if you live in the real world, there's no time for that bullshit.
but sometimes the real world turns into art. and people like you and me try to make money from these moments. and also we try to not be seen to do that.
thinking gets you nowhere.
living downtown is no badge. but you've got to respect it. lots of people come to mingle and browse here. but they don't get it.
i think to be an artist you need to live in a fantasy land. because if you live in the real world, there's no time for that bullshit.
but sometimes the real world turns into art. and people like you and me try to make money from these moments. and also we try to not be seen to do that.
thinking gets you nowhere.
Monday, June 02, 2008
not the story we wanted
I have to break his door down because he's slumped up against it dead drunk. i find another half-typed letter in his hand. i have no idea what it means:
i'm easily two days late for work. it's almost a relief when i think he's dead. You can't fire someone who's late because they found a dead person. but he's not dead. just romantic. i hate him double.
he loved his job.[recdacted]
(is this going somewhere?)
yes, it's supposed to sound like 'Stripes'. that was the idea. >>>>>delete.
i'm easily two days late for work. it's almost a relief when i think he's dead. You can't fire someone who's late because they found a dead person. but he's not dead. just romantic. i hate him double.
he loved his job.[recdacted]
(is this going somewhere?)
yes, it's supposed to sound like 'Stripes'. that was the idea. >>>>>delete.
Friday, May 23, 2008
Friday, May 09, 2008
both have glasses
you ever get punched in the face?
yep. twice. the first time i totally deserved it.
yeah i deserved it too.
you get punched?
like almost every time i go out drinkin.
yeah.
yep. twice. the first time i totally deserved it.
yeah i deserved it too.
you get punched?
like almost every time i go out drinkin.
yeah.
lift
you know, you read about these blogs (some of you read the actual blogs) by people like doctors, or concerned citizen experts, or journalists or whatever and they are so dedicated to the problems of the day.
i'm not like those people.
today i watched a series of bill o'reilly diatribes, and then i watched "outfoxed" and then i watched jon stewart and i can't tell any difference between any of them. i hear tell there is a difference. i see the various tribes. i have the markings that let me pass among several of them. but i don't believe in any of them. i don't believe anyone is different.
but that's probably not true.
anyway, the point is, i'll tell you what i've learned this year and maybe it amounts to something useful. or more likely, it simply carries on the routine of all us self-important noones who need to acclamate themselves by showing off their discoveries.
as if all things weren't available always for anyone to discover.
that's not totally true.
i am disappointed because this year i tried to read "Everything and More" and i couldn't. there was a big to-do about DFW hanging himself. there were these groups of people who tried to orchestrate commitments to reading "infinite jest". suckers. it must hurt them to fail at that. almost everyone did. i spent a month reading it and never made it. that was ten years ago or more.
i'm not like those people.
today i watched a series of bill o'reilly diatribes, and then i watched "outfoxed" and then i watched jon stewart and i can't tell any difference between any of them. i hear tell there is a difference. i see the various tribes. i have the markings that let me pass among several of them. but i don't believe in any of them. i don't believe anyone is different.
but that's probably not true.
anyway, the point is, i'll tell you what i've learned this year and maybe it amounts to something useful. or more likely, it simply carries on the routine of all us self-important noones who need to acclamate themselves by showing off their discoveries.
as if all things weren't available always for anyone to discover.
that's not totally true.
i am disappointed because this year i tried to read "Everything and More" and i couldn't. there was a big to-do about DFW hanging himself. there were these groups of people who tried to orchestrate commitments to reading "infinite jest". suckers. it must hurt them to fail at that. almost everyone did. i spent a month reading it and never made it. that was ten years ago or more.
Friday, May 02, 2008
garbage heap
=yikes. all this revelation. so much white space.
i'm waiting for itunes to load. i hope this mise en scene, veritas, right here right now impresses you... anyway, i am only covering for lack of substance.
=obviously.
the truth is, i'm impressed with myself because i've become a good ironer. i can make shirts and pants with creases. that to me is as good a disguise as Dillinger's soap pistol, or Buddy Holly's glasses.
=yeah. anyway, i've picked black francis, svn fingers as the thing to listen to. i think you'd like it. it's sticky as a night-after counter. but big like an affair.
just bear with me. people don't trust rumpled things.
=ok, but eventually you'll hate shaving.
that's your thing. 'get angry then kill your equipment'. you're a voyeur.
=that's hilarious.
i'm waiting for itunes to load. i hope this mise en scene, veritas, right here right now impresses you... anyway, i am only covering for lack of substance.
=obviously.
the truth is, i'm impressed with myself because i've become a good ironer. i can make shirts and pants with creases. that to me is as good a disguise as Dillinger's soap pistol, or Buddy Holly's glasses.
=yeah. anyway, i've picked black francis, svn fingers as the thing to listen to. i think you'd like it. it's sticky as a night-after counter. but big like an affair.
just bear with me. people don't trust rumpled things.
=ok, but eventually you'll hate shaving.
that's your thing. 'get angry then kill your equipment'. you're a voyeur.
=that's hilarious.
Monday, April 28, 2008
titus andronicus
- i think i'm having a breakdown.
i thought you were getting laid?
- fuck no.
what about Candy? she was doing roll-ups for you.
- oh sure, she raped me while i was wasted.
meh. one day you'll miss this.
- don't you ever feel like you're running out of time?
look, i know this is all you can think about and you want to talk about it, but chicks don't want to hear this shit. Sure, it's rotten. Don't make a big deal about it.
- asshole.
what are we going to do? we're gonna be late for the funeral.
- just hold on. five minutes, she'll be here.
this is an immature excercise in sensationalism. revenge doesn't exist for people like us.
- i'm waiting. you can leave if you want to.
i thought you were getting laid?
- fuck no.
what about Candy? she was doing roll-ups for you.
- oh sure, she raped me while i was wasted.
meh. one day you'll miss this.
- don't you ever feel like you're running out of time?
look, i know this is all you can think about and you want to talk about it, but chicks don't want to hear this shit. Sure, it's rotten. Don't make a big deal about it.
- asshole.
what are we going to do? we're gonna be late for the funeral.
- just hold on. five minutes, she'll be here.
this is an immature excercise in sensationalism. revenge doesn't exist for people like us.
- i'm waiting. you can leave if you want to.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Monday, April 14, 2008
the corner
hey.
hey.
ok, so you were right.
yep.
what do you do that makes you so certain? I've always wondered where passion comes from. sometimes it's so misplaced. and other times, without it... well, you know.
yeah.
...
...
so, 80 bucks?
yeah.
hey.
ok, so you were right.
yep.
what do you do that makes you so certain? I've always wondered where passion comes from. sometimes it's so misplaced. and other times, without it... well, you know.
yeah.
...
...
so, 80 bucks?
yeah.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
no everything
And this is the record that is the terrible record.
Exactly.
It’s like In through the Out door.
Well, not really. They hated that one in hindsight.
Right, like terror twighlight.
/wrists. No.
Exactly.
It’s like In through the Out door.
Well, not really. They hated that one in hindsight.
Right, like terror twighlight.
/wrists. No.
goes back to go forward
you just like it because it’s a hardcover
hmm... You have two franny and zoes! .. ok I’m taking a franny and zoe. (he puts it in his jacket pocket.)
...
pete towsnend's "horses's neck", how is that?
um, awesome.
pete townsend, he's the guy! did you read that latest Simmons article in ESPM?
yeah. the josh howard.
what about the thing he said about howard?
that he was underrated for so long that he was overated.
exactly.
hmm... You have two franny and zoes! .. ok I’m taking a franny and zoe. (he puts it in his jacket pocket.)
...
pete towsnend's "horses's neck", how is that?
um, awesome.
pete townsend, he's the guy! did you read that latest Simmons article in ESPM?
yeah. the josh howard.
what about the thing he said about howard?
that he was underrated for so long that he was overated.
exactly.
Monday, March 03, 2008
i'll do the generals.
look, if don henley says it better than you can, you are in fucking trouble. fake writers are everywhere. comparing bar tabs.
do you realize you sound like an idiot? like nothing new could ever happen?
so you're some fucking invention?
why don't you even ever fucking try to incorporate someone else's reality?
fine. so you're now interested in reality?
fuck you!
(you should see the mise en scene)
you can do better. i know you think you know what you're saying, but i don't think you're saying what you mean.
that's the fucking problem with guys like you.
(shots fired.)
do you realize you sound like an idiot? like nothing new could ever happen?
so you're some fucking invention?
why don't you even ever fucking try to incorporate someone else's reality?
fine. so you're now interested in reality?
fuck you!
(you should see the mise en scene)
you can do better. i know you think you know what you're saying, but i don't think you're saying what you mean.
that's the fucking problem with guys like you.
(shots fired.)
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
i am produced
i think unsalted chips are a waste of time.
then why did you buy them? why do you choose things you ha--
--wait, i got a call from work.
/sigh. you're so lame.
(cupped) yeah, you like bargnani.
...
...
then why did you buy them? why do you choose things you ha--
--wait, i got a call from work.
/sigh. you're so lame.
(cupped) yeah, you like bargnani.
...
...
Thursday, February 07, 2008
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Saturday, January 12, 2008
incredulous stair
he never
made much
of an adult
lost his hands
to false dice.
like tossing
swiss daggers
at heaven
made much
of an adult
lost his hands
to false dice.
like tossing
swiss daggers
at heaven
Friday, January 04, 2008
fit miss
it's like immediately i'm struck dumb.
exactly., all the effort it would take to tell about the night.
yep.
i know. it's like, everything was finally legitimatelly funny and tastefull and profound.
and without spelling istakes.
yes.
exactly., all the effort it would take to tell about the night.
yep.
i know. it's like, everything was finally legitimatelly funny and tastefull and profound.
and without spelling istakes.
yes.
Sunday, December 09, 2007
mixed bag
all it takes
to stay young.
all at stake is
to stay young
seriously, he says,
sometimes i feel rejected by my cat.
it's a gold mine.
guys use guitars
like women use high heels.
to stay young.
all at stake is
to stay young
seriously, he says,
sometimes i feel rejected by my cat.
it's a gold mine.
guys use guitars
like women use high heels.
Friday, December 07, 2007
F
The only thing I’d trade F for is to save a human life.
Ha. Dramatic.
That’s it though.
What about for a Lamborghini Countach?
Don’t be stupid
you wouldn’t want to walk on the moon?
No.
What about for the ability to fly?
No way.
You’re telling me you wouldn’t rade F for personal flying power?
That’s right.
And no moon?
Space sucks.
...
Maybe eventually for a billion dollars.
...
What are you smelling?
Nothing.
...
My Ultimate Mixed CD would have every song ever recorded on it.
That’s impossible. You’d never be able to listen to them all.
You think that there’s more songs than there is a lifetime of listening to music from the minute you’re born to the minute you die? Assuming you live at least to the average age of your gender.
Yep.
Prove it.
Ok, let’s say you have 42048000 minutes in your life. And there’s on average 4 minutes per song. ... Times.... How many songs in the world are there?
Let’s just say 10512000 songs.
Fine. So that’s 420048000 minutes... wait a minute!
Ha. Dramatic.
That’s it though.
What about for a Lamborghini Countach?
Don’t be stupid
you wouldn’t want to walk on the moon?
No.
What about for the ability to fly?
No way.
You’re telling me you wouldn’t rade F for personal flying power?
That’s right.
And no moon?
Space sucks.
...
Maybe eventually for a billion dollars.
...
What are you smelling?
Nothing.
...
My Ultimate Mixed CD would have every song ever recorded on it.
That’s impossible. You’d never be able to listen to them all.
You think that there’s more songs than there is a lifetime of listening to music from the minute you’re born to the minute you die? Assuming you live at least to the average age of your gender.
Yep.
Prove it.
Ok, let’s say you have 42048000 minutes in your life. And there’s on average 4 minutes per song. ... Times.... How many songs in the world are there?
Let’s just say 10512000 songs.
Fine. So that’s 420048000 minutes... wait a minute!
Sunday, November 25, 2007
pop zeus
There's this thing people have about being the first to know something that's due to arrive eventually.
-Well, information is power.
this is going to be another boring entry isn't it?
-yes. but you knew that.
-Well, information is power.
this is going to be another boring entry isn't it?
-yes. but you knew that.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
The T-72
“What kind of rig does he have? I need a guy with a small rig.”
“I don’t know. I could ask him about it.”
“So, you could broker this and get him on hold for me?”
“Yeah. I can do that.”
“Just tell him that I’m asking other people, but if he wants, I can put him on my list.”
“Yeah I can do that.”
“Alright. Where does he live?”
“I think with his dad.”
“Does he smoke weed?”
“Yeah.”
“Does he have a car?”
“I think he has a van.”
...
“So small rig.... Like, describe the right setup.”
“Like my ideal rig? Um, A traynor head and a four ten cab.”
I wrote it down. “So how do you like your new neighbourhood?”
“Um, I found the indie record shop.”
“Is there a Junction local?”
“Yeah. We should go sometime. That girl that was in your band, Betts, she used to work there and maybe still does.”
“Oh yeah? That’d be good. When I get healthy enough to drink.”
“Uh huh. Hey there’s a beer in your fridge. Can I drink it?”
“Oh, you might not want to. I froze it by accident last weekend.”
“So?”
“I thought it was bad to drink a beer after it’s been frozen.”
“Not canned beer.”
“I hadn’t heard that.”
He took a big gulp and smacked his lips and smiled, a little beer squirted out. “Mmmm, delicious beer.”
“Freak.”
...
...
‘I was thinking about how you’re down on yourself for being short. I found out something that might make you feel better.”
I stared at him.
“Did you know that the Soviets designed their T-72 specifically for soliders under 5'6"?” He bobbed his head up and down, smiling, drinking the thawed beer. “It’s one of the greatest tanks of all time.”
“I don’t know. I could ask him about it.”
“So, you could broker this and get him on hold for me?”
“Yeah. I can do that.”
“Just tell him that I’m asking other people, but if he wants, I can put him on my list.”
“Yeah I can do that.”
“Alright. Where does he live?”
“I think with his dad.”
“Does he smoke weed?”
“Yeah.”
“Does he have a car?”
“I think he has a van.”
...
“So small rig.... Like, describe the right setup.”
“Like my ideal rig? Um, A traynor head and a four ten cab.”
I wrote it down. “So how do you like your new neighbourhood?”
“Um, I found the indie record shop.”
“Is there a Junction local?”
“Yeah. We should go sometime. That girl that was in your band, Betts, she used to work there and maybe still does.”
“Oh yeah? That’d be good. When I get healthy enough to drink.”
“Uh huh. Hey there’s a beer in your fridge. Can I drink it?”
“Oh, you might not want to. I froze it by accident last weekend.”
“So?”
“I thought it was bad to drink a beer after it’s been frozen.”
“Not canned beer.”
“I hadn’t heard that.”
He took a big gulp and smacked his lips and smiled, a little beer squirted out. “Mmmm, delicious beer.”
“Freak.”
...
...
‘I was thinking about how you’re down on yourself for being short. I found out something that might make you feel better.”
I stared at him.
“Did you know that the Soviets designed their T-72 specifically for soliders under 5'6"?” He bobbed his head up and down, smiling, drinking the thawed beer. “It’s one of the greatest tanks of all time.”
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
the bottom is bottomless
i want to hurt you but i also want to be funny.
-that's not good, considering your strengths.
you don't understand, i can't make sense of your desires. they conflict with what i know is right.
-but you keep coming back.
i know. do you think this means i am a failed man?
-...
...
-are you hungry?
i could eat.
-that's not good, considering your strengths.
you don't understand, i can't make sense of your desires. they conflict with what i know is right.
-but you keep coming back.
i know. do you think this means i am a failed man?
-...
...
-are you hungry?
i could eat.
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Sunday, November 04, 2007
Friday, November 02, 2007
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
stripper deck
she says, the way i am with you is the way i could be with anyone else.
as a normal person who wants normal things, this hurts. but she is beautiful and i am old enough to realize that beauty is beyond me. i am willing to accept any terms a hot woman wants to put on me in order to fuck her, even once.
she says, so that's the reason i think married people are fucked. i don't see how someone should be so special you'd choose their finances over someone else's.
again, a solid point, i think.
but, she says, once in a while, i fuck someone that does it so good and is so hot that maybe i wouldn't mind chilling with them. but there are so many parties, you know?
i do know. there are so many parties.
as a normal person who wants normal things, this hurts. but she is beautiful and i am old enough to realize that beauty is beyond me. i am willing to accept any terms a hot woman wants to put on me in order to fuck her, even once.
she says, so that's the reason i think married people are fucked. i don't see how someone should be so special you'd choose their finances over someone else's.
again, a solid point, i think.
but, she says, once in a while, i fuck someone that does it so good and is so hot that maybe i wouldn't mind chilling with them. but there are so many parties, you know?
i do know. there are so many parties.
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Monday, October 22, 2007
Monday, October 15, 2007
deep into his bugs
when you have bed bugs, all you really want to talk about are bed bugs. and because bed bugs take over your life, your stories of bed bugs will be among the best ones you ever tell. to tell a great story, it helps a great deal to live it first. when you're invested in your point of view, especially in times of infestation, it comes across.
though after say, a wedding, or an apres work drink with colleagues, you might reconsider these riveting, intense descriptions of having bedbugs. 'highways of bites' along your legs, 'crouching underpanted' in your bed with a flashlight and tweezers, 14 days of 'sleepless, muderous' nights...
i'd guess that if you were a bed bug you'd see things totally differently. you're not worried about any of these insanities. you're just trying to get fed. your life is totally crawl-suck-die. the question is, what about a bed bug that one day develops some appreciation for the fact that all he'll ever be is a bed bug?
It's not impossible. Plenty of people i know freak out about halfway through their lives. It's like one day they shoot awake and look around and think: what the hell am i doing here? there are certain roles right? science is constantly revealing castes, formulas and molecular imperatives for evergrowing lists of lifeforms and spaces (to think humans are excluded is fooling yourself). and still we seem to need to agree, no matter what science proves, that no one knows what it's really like to be you.
when you think about it, whose story is more interesting? a lentil-flavoured, middle-aged man, infested by bed bugs, alienated from a wedding party? or a wingless, middle-aged bed bug, the product of traumatic insemination. who suddenly comes to an DDT-induced, crushing self-realization? crawl-suck-die? brutal.once a bed bug, always a bed bug. design imperatives. Cimicidae Schopenhaur.
i guess it's not a competition.
though after say, a wedding, or an apres work drink with colleagues, you might reconsider these riveting, intense descriptions of having bedbugs. 'highways of bites' along your legs, 'crouching underpanted' in your bed with a flashlight and tweezers, 14 days of 'sleepless, muderous' nights...
i'd guess that if you were a bed bug you'd see things totally differently. you're not worried about any of these insanities. you're just trying to get fed. your life is totally crawl-suck-die. the question is, what about a bed bug that one day develops some appreciation for the fact that all he'll ever be is a bed bug?
It's not impossible. Plenty of people i know freak out about halfway through their lives. It's like one day they shoot awake and look around and think: what the hell am i doing here? there are certain roles right? science is constantly revealing castes, formulas and molecular imperatives for evergrowing lists of lifeforms and spaces (to think humans are excluded is fooling yourself). and still we seem to need to agree, no matter what science proves, that no one knows what it's really like to be you.
when you think about it, whose story is more interesting? a lentil-flavoured, middle-aged man, infested by bed bugs, alienated from a wedding party? or a wingless, middle-aged bed bug, the product of traumatic insemination. who suddenly comes to an DDT-induced, crushing self-realization? crawl-suck-die? brutal.once a bed bug, always a bed bug. design imperatives. Cimicidae Schopenhaur.
i guess it's not a competition.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
can't roll filters
you should kill guys like me. i think when i get angry and drunk, you should punch me. i think you should not pick up the phone when i call.
i would rather we just call it quits. i would rather not have to incorporate your successful trajectory. your good times are getting expensive.
i would rather we just call it quits. i would rather not have to incorporate your successful trajectory. your good times are getting expensive.
winter sun
without you my ideas are one dimensional. i'm nowhere. i will die unexplored if i'm not careful. if you're going to go alone, you have to set alarms. and even then, you're not safe. conversation is the most important art form. we need to talk. you and i. without your voice i am nothing. it's the only thing i've ever been good at. but not without you.
proximity
when i meet a tattoo artist, i'm convinced the next thing i'm going to do is get tattoos.
when i meet a cornet player, i believe that jazz is the best.
when i meet a blonde i think there could be no other woman.
when i get home, i can't remember anything.
when i meet a cornet player, i believe that jazz is the best.
when i meet a blonde i think there could be no other woman.
when i get home, i can't remember anything.
Friday, October 12, 2007
Friday, October 05, 2007
how am i not myself
being new is hard, but i keep telling myself that really, being new is awesome. because it is. when you're new, you get to be who you really are. if only briefly. too quickly we're constrained by the impressions we create. we learn to conform to established social paradigms. there is nothing better than being a stranger in a strange land.
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Friday, September 28, 2007
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
better you try to kill me
[could i implore you to try not to make your living off of cartoon interpretations? wouldn't it be better to try to engage an actual narrative?]*
why is it that the only satisfaction i can get is to impugn another's output? or that's all i remember doing. anyway, in conversations is where i'd rather lay my stake. in thought and solitude, im a disaster. please don't you judge my sad output. i am a good soldier.
i don't want to hurt your feelings so bad you'd want to quit everything we've invented. i don't want you to hurt so bad you'd choose to just quit and be over everything.
maybe i wish i could always be your special project. maybe i don't like having to pay off. but isn't that what you like? being a little better than me?
are you sitting there right now, feeling like everything you've ever done is just shit and mud? and haven't you come home every night from bottles and cheating, wishing to be found out, to be discovered, so the decision would be made for you? haven't you wanted to stop living with your lies and secrets and supressed designs? haven't you thought that i would be the one to make you choose?
*im unhappy with this, but it's close enough.
why is it that the only satisfaction i can get is to impugn another's output? or that's all i remember doing. anyway, in conversations is where i'd rather lay my stake. in thought and solitude, im a disaster. please don't you judge my sad output. i am a good soldier.
i don't want to hurt your feelings so bad you'd want to quit everything we've invented. i don't want you to hurt so bad you'd choose to just quit and be over everything.
maybe i wish i could always be your special project. maybe i don't like having to pay off. but isn't that what you like? being a little better than me?
are you sitting there right now, feeling like everything you've ever done is just shit and mud? and haven't you come home every night from bottles and cheating, wishing to be found out, to be discovered, so the decision would be made for you? haven't you wanted to stop living with your lies and secrets and supressed designs? haven't you thought that i would be the one to make you choose?
*im unhappy with this, but it's close enough.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Saturday, September 22, 2007
archetype
She comes over and she’s soaked from the storm. In the end, it's a good thing she's come by to straighten me out. It makes my job easier. At first though, those surprise knocks on my window, man, I am terrified. I roll off the couch onto the floor; my cat comes racing in to hide under the bed. They say our pets become us. Bearing out the science, mine exhibits a significant amount of terror in mundane circumstances.
Partly it’s because my body has fallen apart that I don’t want to let strange women in to my place; unless I’m drunk. The other reason is because I already know everything they’re gonna say to me. Truth is, I should have married a long time ago. Mostly because marriage makes other people feel comfortable around you. It’s like they don’t trust the motives of a single man. I don’t blame them. My motives are not good. But I know plenty of married guys, and more married women, that are worse than me. She’s one of them. And when she shows up at my door, at 4am during a thunderstorm, I’m expecting the worst. .
Partly it’s because my body has fallen apart that I don’t want to let strange women in to my place; unless I’m drunk. The other reason is because I already know everything they’re gonna say to me. Truth is, I should have married a long time ago. Mostly because marriage makes other people feel comfortable around you. It’s like they don’t trust the motives of a single man. I don’t blame them. My motives are not good. But I know plenty of married guys, and more married women, that are worse than me. She’s one of them. And when she shows up at my door, at 4am during a thunderstorm, I’m expecting the worst. .
Thursday, September 20, 2007
(photograph)
...
im going to post the one where you can barely see me.
ha. but you're still gonna put up your picture.
...
so do you see? you're egotistic like anyone?
i fucking hate talking to you.
i know. so what do you want to drink?
the opposite of what you're having.
im going to post the one where you can barely see me.
ha. but you're still gonna put up your picture.
...
so do you see? you're egotistic like anyone?
i fucking hate talking to you.
i know. so what do you want to drink?
the opposite of what you're having.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
these days
there was a time when you wouldn't have championed suburban output. but i understand how it is to make a dollar. Your name is known these days; and who would argue with success? you deserve your plaudits.
am i awful because i don't like you any more? yes, of course. maybe if i had some of your substance it wouldn't seem so shallow. anyway, i have at least learned to behave at parties.
now there are galleries and tea and listed events. adroit deferrals and publicity agents to absorb blame for missed invites. it's ok. plus one is something i've come to dread anyway. there is no worse place for friends than backstage.
am i awful because i don't like you any more? yes, of course. maybe if i had some of your substance it wouldn't seem so shallow. anyway, i have at least learned to behave at parties.
now there are galleries and tea and listed events. adroit deferrals and publicity agents to absorb blame for missed invites. it's ok. plus one is something i've come to dread anyway. there is no worse place for friends than backstage.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Saturday, September 08, 2007
summer babe
admit it, you're not as flexible as you think you are. are you willing to make exceptions? maybe you are. maybe i under-estimate you. (should under-estimate be hyphenated?)
what's nostalgia? a weakness? a temptation? how far back can you pull the lens? is nostaliga limited to incidents? to bands? to decades? are paradigms nostalgic?
i don't know. i am beginning to think there's nothing wrong with anything.
If your greatest arguments are about nostalgia, then you're doing ok in life i think. If you're worried about cultural credibility, i think you are probably not going to get published. i speak from experience.
i write all this because i can't stop listening to pavement.
what's nostalgia? a weakness? a temptation? how far back can you pull the lens? is nostaliga limited to incidents? to bands? to decades? are paradigms nostalgic?
i don't know. i am beginning to think there's nothing wrong with anything.
If your greatest arguments are about nostalgia, then you're doing ok in life i think. If you're worried about cultural credibility, i think you are probably not going to get published. i speak from experience.
i write all this because i can't stop listening to pavement.
Monday, September 03, 2007
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