five$ per mandible

i wish there was a bounty on centipedes because i would make serious money.

i know, they're everywhere now.

hey, i got you a couple of books. want to know what they're called?

totally.

the first one is "the king of swings"--

--wicked!

i knew you'd like it. want me to read you the back cover?

yes.

'...an orphan from the omaha stock yards who started out as a caddie, he was considered too small, too foreign, too poor to play the country club game. but he swore he would prove everyone wrong--'

--wait a second, my other line is going off.

...

ok, i'm back. sorry for that.

no problem. the other book is called "Dream Golf: The Making of Bandon Dunes". It's about one man's quest to build the ultimate golfing experience.

those are awesome finds.

yeah. they're not even published yet. they're advanced reading copies.

which reminds me, i had a crazy dream last night during my migraine.

yeah?

yeah. it starts out that i'm sitting next to the president at a theatrical performance of the lost gospel of judas escariot.

based on the 3rd century coptic manuscript i assume?

exactly. so anyway, after the show, i wind up in the president's limousine but our car deviates from the motorcade's route because it turns out our driver is an assassin of some sort. it falls to me to save the president's life by escaping through a concrete labyrinth below the city. somehow i wind up in a cocktail lounge and i keep trying to call for backup but no one will let me use the house telephone because what i thought was an FBI badge turns out to be my highschool student card. Also my sidearm is actually a purple water pistol and commands no respect. it was very frustrating.

so what do you think it means? aside from the fact that you need to get a cell phone.

i dunno. maybe that i'm a closet republican. and i'll never get one of those devices. they've destroyed the world.

ha. you're impossible. anyway, we've always known you were a republican. we've been discussing it behind your back for years.

really? damnit.

as for the water pistol bit, maybe it's got something to do with Dillinger, or the soap gun thing from Take the Money and Run.

excellent points. i was thinking something more freudian, although the dillinger reference fits perfectly with that. or maybe the water pistol was because i just watched House of Games again.

is that a good movie?

oh yes, it's excellent.