we are ratios

i'm almost too tired to write anything. but tonight i was in the market and with it raining and the fight i got in, i figured i had to try a little at least.

actually, this is impossible because i don't really remember anything. except that she bit me on the face, and that's the most action i've had in a while. also, it seems i have a large rip in my pants.

small case

so i'm trying to pour f.w. into a cab but he's resisting rescue, plus he's devolved into paranoid maniac mode.

'you're mocking me! i know you're mocking me!'

'i'm not mocking you. you make good sense. but it's time for you to go home.'

he's giving me the patented anxiety glare: 'you know how i am! i just can't take that kind of misappropriation in public. they just shouldn't be allowed to represent like it's first-hand knowledge when they weren't even born then!'

i lean over to the driver's side window and tell him the address. through the rearview, i catch his eyes flicker between f.w. in the backseat and me. still he takes the bill i'm offering.

'you only think you know the pain!' f.w. yells* out at a strolling uptown couple. oncoming headlights glint off his waxy skewed lenses. 'how the hell are you supposed to buy a suit on sneaker wages!?'

their pace didn't change. utterly no reaction. as if they knew we would all be leaving soon anyway.

i say, 'f.w., inside voices dude.' then to the driver, 'he won't puke, don't worry.' he looks resigned.

just before i close the door f.w. whispers: 'you'll never see me again.'

he was both right and wrong.

the ladder and the gutter

--then the union was locked out, remember?

that's right. i left for ethiopia that day i think. was that the 26th?

the 26th, yeah. i think so... because of 'forgone collisions'.

ha. i forgot about that.

...

...

she saw how he was looking past her. he glanced at her crossed arms and pale hands.

--are you?/have you?-- they both started and stopped. he shaded his eyes against the long fall sunshine.

i heard you've got a show in the market.

she brightened and softened, yeah. how'd you hear?

you know, i'm around. he meant it as in neighbourhood news, but she took it as an offer and her eyes hit the pavement.

well, it was good to see you.

yeah, you too.

coffee pot sunday III

skinny bitch duel

can't buy a fight

amazing christian magic

it just dropped (it didn't break)

groper and dirty c had a big plan but it was derailed. typical. actually not so much derailed as forgotten and slept through. still the perogies, dead like me, and the seven drink selection turned out to be nice.

past, the porch

i will probably stay

'dude, i gotta get the hell out of this place.' benny's hunched over, looking around his shoulders, sloshing his stout into his shirt cuffs. he's got that frantic look and i really don't have the patience for him tonight.

'let it go benny, you're not going anywhere.' sometimes when you're sick of someone you just push their buttons automatically.

his eyes glow like pinballs and he pulls out his exacto knife. 'that's the problem f.w. I'm not going anywhere.'

honey sees this happening from behind the bar but we both know benny's just dramatic. she's still in love with him i can tell. he doesn't even notice her anymore. it drives her crazy. i can't stop thinking about her, but i'm not benny and that's that.

'you guys want to do a shot?' honey says and bangs down three tumblers in front of us.

'how about a car bomb?' benny looks at me and i shrug sure. it's all going to turn out the same again anyway.

latino kings II

last night i saw the gangster again. i tapped him on the shoulder to say hello, remember me and he almost cut me with an industrial exacto knife. quickly, i showed him the magic trick and that defused him. close call though.

life is great

i'm thinking while i'm running out of the hospital that no matter how much blood i lose, i won't be sorry. it doesn't take long until i'm shaking and i have to lean against this lady. immediately she starts yelling something about warren beaty or the cops so i force myself into the future. i don't know what god's plan is for me, but i'm happy for anything i can use.

way to ruin it

your reach is as good as a spill right now. i can tell.

watch it. i'm a magician.

no you're not.

yes i am.

yeah, one trick.

ok, bring me a diet coke.

carbombs?

i'll meet you there.

(for these two kids, there was never any reason for reason. they never saw an ugly moon in their lives.)

come on put it on (take it off)

[redacted]

you don't belong (and then you did)

-don't make me reget this benny.

even now she made me nervous.

-just let me show you my magic trick.

-oh god benny. get serious. everyone's sick of you.

ill between naps

we'll [***] blackberry.

high enough to concentrate

[no] going mobile

i was thinking, the payphone is like the vinyl of telecommunication.

good one. have you read that DFW article, about the inhumane murdering of lobsters? how the hiss you hear when you drop them in a pot of boiling water isn't just air escaping, it's the lobster's death cry?

no. you really have to be something to worry about lobster screams though.

i guess. why do you think there are so many boxers nicknamed 'sugar'?

maybe it's because it's the 'sweet science'.

yeah, maybe... maybe it's standard appellation for fighters named 'ray'.

maybe. there's no 'sugar bob', or 'sugar carl'?

um, not that i know of anyway. oh wait, there's a sugar shane. he's a contender i think.

huh. so, have you seen your crush lately? you talk to her yet?

no, not yet. i think i should just kidnap her iraqi style.

you're so good sometimes with your language. i have the feeling that it would work for you. the kidnapping thing.

you're a medium. and by that i don't mean average.

you're gifted and by that i don't mean retarded--

more less

the latino kings

you wouldn't know he was a gangbanger. the kings cap just made me figure he was into basketball. maybe because of the artest trade. but then he showed me his tattoo and it was clear that we had completely different takes on the meaning of shooting percentages. i knew he thought i was chickenshit. but i changed his mind. that's my talent.

old reliable

les is telling me about how the guy promised to meet him outside the bar on March the fourth. Les says how he got there and waited almost 8 hours, but the guy never showed up. he was supposed to have provided a lunch and a guitar. Les isn't stupid, and even though you'd see a loser - just saying the truth - he isn't any different from you or me. i would have waited there too.

in the tall grass (rock crawlers unite!)

grasshopper was hopping to work early one bright blue morning when he heard his name being called.

hey grasshopper! grasshopper! wait up!

it was tiger! normally, tiger didn't pay much attention to orthoptera, but today was a different kind of day. he'd been hearing some things and was determined to clear it up.

grasshopper paused pre-hop. His first thought upon seeing tiger bound towards him like a vicious, giant candy wrapper was: oh shit, what did i do? grasshopper had a guilty conscience at the best of times, and even though he couldn't recall any transgressions against tiger, he realized that with all his heavy drinking of late, anything was possible.

Tiger's tongue lolled out like a wet kite as he pounced up to grasshopper. Whew, he says. Glad i caught you. I've been calling your name since the drinking hole.

sorry, guess i didn't hear you. what do you need tiger? grasshopper tried to keep his antennae from trembling. nothing is as scary as talking to a tiger when you don't know his agenda.

i heard you've been talking shit about me grasshopper. i want to know why?

oh no way! i would never do that tiger! he really said it like he meant it, but grasshopper knew full well that deep down he was a shit-talker.

look i don't care, just. stop. it. tiger growled out each word like a bite apiece. He leaned down tighter and tighter to grasshopper until his warm big cat breath almost destroyed the arthropod on the spot. or else i'll remove you and your chicken legs from existence, tiger snarled. his clover claw paw raised, blocked out the sun. grasshopper prompty fainted.

when grasshopper came to, it was cobalt dark and he just perceived mantis lurking over him.. wha- what are you doing? he said scrambing back, still woozy from his encounter with tiger.

mantis clucked and clicked his mandibles. shhh my pet, don't speak. his spiney forearms extended like lovers towards grasshopper's thorax. crazily all grasshopper could think at the moment of his death was: 'the dude abides'.

but! just then mantis hissed and rotated his eyeballs 180 degrees. Bats! he screamed and grasshopper felt hot fur whoosh by him and mantis was gone.

christ, what a brutal day, he thought to himself. i've got to [cut down on the] drinking.

dumb it down

i say break it.

then i'll have to fix it.

well, otherwise you're staying out here and freezing.

what would i do? put cardboard over it? i don't think i have any duct tape.

just make up your mind already.

ok, you break it.

fine.