in the tall grass (rock crawlers unite!)

grasshopper was hopping to work early one bright blue morning when he heard his name being called.

hey grasshopper! grasshopper! wait up!

it was tiger! normally, tiger didn't pay much attention to orthoptera, but today was a different kind of day. he'd been hearing some things and was determined to clear it up.

grasshopper paused pre-hop. His first thought upon seeing tiger bound towards him like a vicious, giant candy wrapper was: oh shit, what did i do? grasshopper had a guilty conscience at the best of times, and even though he couldn't recall any transgressions against tiger, he realized that with all his heavy drinking of late, anything was possible.

Tiger's tongue lolled out like a wet kite as he pounced up to grasshopper. Whew, he says. Glad i caught you. I've been calling your name since the drinking hole.

sorry, guess i didn't hear you. what do you need tiger? grasshopper tried to keep his antennae from trembling. nothing is as scary as talking to a tiger when you don't know his agenda.

i heard you've been talking shit about me grasshopper. i want to know why?

oh no way! i would never do that tiger! he really said it like he meant it, but grasshopper knew full well that deep down he was a shit-talker.

look i don't care, just. stop. it. tiger growled out each word like a bite apiece. He leaned down tighter and tighter to grasshopper until his warm big cat breath almost destroyed the arthropod on the spot. or else i'll remove you and your chicken legs from existence, tiger snarled. his clover claw paw raised, blocked out the sun. grasshopper prompty fainted.

when grasshopper came to, it was cobalt dark and he just perceived mantis lurking over him.. wha- what are you doing? he said scrambing back, still woozy from his encounter with tiger.

mantis clucked and clicked his mandibles. shhh my pet, don't speak. his spiney forearms extended like lovers towards grasshopper's thorax. crazily all grasshopper could think at the moment of his death was: 'the dude abides'.

but! just then mantis hissed and rotated his eyeballs 180 degrees. Bats! he screamed and grasshopper felt hot fur whoosh by him and mantis was gone.

christ, what a brutal day, he thought to himself. i've got to [cut down on the] drinking.