sympathy for the muddled

[oh no, here we go again...]

i am a failed man. an incomplete man. i am unimpressed with the conversations i have. my most important submissions lack definition. pathetically, i live in constant shame, self-recrimination and guilt. i think evil is pretending first-hand knowledge. i'm sure that i don't do enough to warrant the meagre praise i get. i wonder sometimes that maybe i think i deserve something. i think that's an awful way to be. i don't have children. and i don't love someone. i sometimes think that we have to be so much. it's hard to live up to. but that's probably a cop out. but i'm not sure. see? i'm an insult to the old country.

[is this the best you've got? really? that's the way you think? you are so lame. try something! live! do something!]

make a fucking exception please! i could write all the opposite things too. i don't want to sound desperate. i just don't know any better. we're all doing well for ourselves. it's ok.

[i'm so confused. do you ever make sense? is this a cry for help?]

there are so many books and stories and reality shows and everyone keeps telling more and more and what's the point of mine? it's so boring and it's about people making excuses but trying to explain how it's more than excuses. come on. all these wailings for princesses and waterboarding for truth. i mean, i've seen girls glue their panties to their asses in order to win ribbons. what should i take seriously?

[I'm not here to make you feel better. I didn’t come here to tell you it’s hand to mouth on a different plane. Nobody bleeds for the dancer.]

I don’t have a high level perspective. I don’t make that much money. I got debts to friends and I lie about things to my family. i pretend to be clean. Everyone I love sees things differently. What should I do? should i think that misfortune is an accident? should i be compelled to help you compete? it's hard for me too. an advantage is fucking continuum. i fucking want more, just like you. fucking courtesy and my vain desire to provide a decent fucking example is all that keeps me from voting fucking conservative.

[i still don't get it. it's like your narrative line is all mixed up. this kind of lousy, undisciplined blathering gives me a headache.]