the heater don't work (you're no mencken)

jonny used to smack me upside my head with his palm. 'are you stupid?' he'd fold his chin in and look around the fire at his friends like i was unbelievable. i had no comeback. mostly though they'd let me stick around without trouble. they'd send me into town for condoms, beers and cigarettes. they were older and darker and they'd let me keep the change. sometimes i'd drive their pick-ups home for them with their girlfriends. all the way they'd tell me how lazy their boyfriends were and how they were all so leaving all this small town shit. sometimes they'd tell me how cute i was.

one time, this girl named veronica had a ronettes tape and we listened to be my baby over and over on the drive back to the city. she fell in love with jonny after he left highschool to work at the plant. he had a telecaster and a paycheque and she was in grade 11. but she wasn't in highschool anymore. i had elastics on my braces and my pops had just given me his father's .22. he'd took off for florida the next day. she was wasted but her plan made sense. i mean, nothing ever happened in our shitty town.

anyway, everytime i hear the ronettes, this is what i think about. she sent me the tape my second year of the hitch. no note. just a pack of matches from the bar with her lipstick kiss on it. she actually married jonny's brother right after the murder, but he died of brain cancer at 32. left her with two kids and six payments on the trailer. i read about it in the paper. i don't blame her for rolling over on me. but i wonder about the brother. you think about time different when you're in a box.

(conscience is the inner voice which warns us someone may be looking.)