all in good time

way past ornette

i don't look.

every guy looks.

i don't look.

...

i don't.

product placement

paint

pedal tone

aim for a new tomorrow

bachman maximum overdrive

rock bottom reminders

pilot

there was this show on the radio about this religious guy who died...

yeah.

supposedly he did good things. he built schools. he asked people to fund different things. christian values.

yeah, christian values.

he made comments after september 11 that people who were gay or different, they'd have to calm themselves. like this was god's retribution.

...

anyway... working man blues.

it's next.

great.

you win again

mudlark

socialized

no thanks. the world already moves too fast for me.

you're so antediluvian.

...

ok, fuck. i get it.

that's all i'm saying. who has the energy for that?

we used to. you used to.

yeah, we used to. but we're wiser now. number two, it's incredibly expensive.

the problem with today is this fucked up career infrastructure.

exactly.

work your fucking ass off.

what?

work your ass off. that's how it works.

don't feel like you have to. that's all i'm saying.

why can't we get more *novelty?

exactly. what happened to the flea circus? or death by quicksand?

ha. ask ricky jay. ask gilligan.

did you hear that alec baldwin called his daughter a thoughtless little pig?

that's awesome. you really dont' realize until you become an adult that adults have no idea.

exactly. but they fucking exploit it.

getting up on a daily basis and fucking making things work with other people...

yeah.

fucking tax evasion is the last frontier.

milch.

yep.

it's a ploy these days, outrage.

...

[later on, there's this terrible panic. i mean, unbelievably terrible.]



*money

not how i want it

i plead with my old lady to put down the gun. i say, sweet pea, if you don't kill me, which a twenty-two will not do, i am going to fuck you up. But she is steady. when a woman decides she's going to kill you, she likes it when you beg. She wants you to beg. Women sometimes say that they love a strong man who can cry. But they are lying. They want a man that will get them money. That's why I'm pleading. Because i'm like any other mutherfucker. I just want my shit to be cool. I want it tight. So when this old lady licks her loose lips and demands new shoes and baseboards and babies i automatically swing around for the exit. But she's saying all this crazy shit with this single action sprouting and it hits me, 'she's telling you she loves you!" but i've never been right about anything. she squeezes the trigger and of everything she's fucked up in our three glorious, soaked weeks of romance, killing me isn't one of them.

hot wings over america

rotate past

tonight's the night

saloon

Tonight your bunker
of spirits and compliments,
might just do the trick

georgia

long-time girlfriends can
visit empty handed and
argumentative.

vercingetorix (seven sagres)

rides

rommel

i wanted to win
your ego sabotaged us.
now the tanks are gone

as the red fades

just to hit glass

hey.

jesus. it's 4am.

i can't do this without you.

i hate you. don't you remember?

yeah, but how am i supposed to make my living?

can't you hate yourself?

felt

indie rock deserves
a fucking punch to the face
or a velvet touch.

lady in the lake

come on, you say hot phrases but you're just gonna leave me sick.

-doubting potential is the only advantage we have left.

even if i could say yes, i couldn't agree.

-i know.

so we're impossible.

-your ideas are.

better angels

Once a dog bites you
you look at them diff'rently.
dogs don't know better

The Rare Bird

[we're sorry, this video is no longer available]

calgon take me away

cups and balls

is this it?

I’m surprised when she answers. It’s late but she sounds wide awake and like she was expecting someone to call. There’s no way I can represent myself, but she says she likes it. It takes six months for this to become ironic.

those hilton sisters

really it's out if it's in

flashback: labour day monday. sometime between 1998 and 2003, noon. "backstage" a polyester clad cocaine addict spills backwards over the sectional, cutting her head open on a clay pot. ten minutes later, screaming blood, the band hits the deck and there's this terrific silver sparkling flash. The pantsuited singer has not been grounded. The first chorded croon on the microphone completes the circuit, everything pops, and she's vanished. no one's seen her since, but there's a local claim of a front tooth found in her marshall.

anyway, i got the tooth and i made a necklace out of it and gave it to my girlfriend. she's like: "what the fuck's this? a tooth? is it yours?" and so i tell her the legend and she throws it at me and says, "you gave me some other chicks tooth?"

i hate you.

some guys find gold in the river.

i think that's a little simplistic.

don't sweat it.

i'm not sweating it.

whatever.

senorita i'm in trouble again

are mathematicians fools? they all go crazy trying to figure out how to get home. they're worse than lovers. we go so long around to find the thinnest things. And then we find they're not even there.

see through windows

cutting winter wind
screens much as curtains, hides my
coffee pot sunday

all that strict of a christian

-...but I can’t juggle like the smothers brothers.
who are the smother brothers?
-Oh they were these jugglers.
shit I just dropped my orange on the ground. It's dusty!
-...
...
-do you think if you ate a human, is there more nutrients in the skin or the meat?

old flame

she left a message
today, about old pictures.
'B, we look so young'

clever hans

all around nodders
abound like cunt, supplicants
mimicking a mind

come on

don't blame me because we aren't friends anymore. i don't know what happened either. it just became so zero sum. you hate me so much but only because i had to choose first. you never understood; it's easy to be second. i loved you.

fuckin radio listener

why are you always so negative?

i don't think you're in any position to fucking comment. fuckin radio listener.

get out of there, right now

dispute the reason for rules
as laid down by motherfuckers,
that's just plain bold.

(i'm doing time here without you)

orange you glad?

that alien growth
inside navel oranges reminds me
of our love affair

flammable vs. strunk and white

"Unless you are [...] concerned with the safety of children and illiterates, use inflammable."

(where) did you go?

Nebuchadnezzar

as a fucking point of learning, don't i question myself now when i'm sure of something? fucking right. if there is question, there is no question.

i don't get it. so you're like some constant questioner?

exactly.

that's idiotic. you're idiotic. i'm done. fuck you solipsists. i'm going home. give me my iPod back.

don't make any fucking mistake. i'm not young. you don't want expectations.

so how do you go from that to hating the radio? you can't hate everything. you can't fight all the time! i don't understand how come

that's because you keep looking at pictures.

you make me hate everybody. that's not a healthy dynamic.

wouldn't want you out there uneducated.

i hate it when you do that.

do i tell you everything's going to be ok? you'd rather have a fucking job?

regarding the newman factor

mechanics

large cardinal property

we're impossible
ones to couple together
set theories proscribe

makes no sense (makes no sense)

The next book is about the fact that there is more human production out there than any of us would have time in our lives to read, watch, eat etc... it’s the new isolation. I love it.

hasten consumption? A new technology?

you can't allow brand names, except
ennio morricone is playing. After
a night of pulp fiction (yes embarrassed, even alone)
new year’s eve.
Santorini white,
for a few dollars more we
could both get panchos
why in the fuck is
jenna jameson so popular?
Half off cunt.

an award is presented
to the one who fucks the
best, in America.
Whores just off buses
reduced to coke stiffled tears
for the Best Anal

Stiffened by coke
is tight ass fun, yo

... later,

Steve Nash
pistons score 11 straight
they had the lead by one
they trail now, 3.5 seconds passed
95-91,
five straight by nash

smitch playing the gut

i wish people was like dogs

what happens to secrets

so, the minion (disturbs the circle)

ogden nash
sennacherib
archimedes death
on the beach

life's buffet

What the fuck is it with you wondering about how much I really know? Fuck you. I know a lot. Anyway, sitting there in the movies watching everyone fall in love so hard with Bill Murray like 10 years later than’s cool, I’m thinking, well, at least I don’t have AIDS. Seriously, what the fuck is with you and your fucked up celebrity crush thing? Anyway, i didn't figure you for someone who listens to gossip.

don't doubt me (hits the pavement hard)

for the last six or seven days i keep thinking, i should cover a pavement song. but you can't. you can't. they're so laid back and perfect. see, i remember buying slanted and enchanted and being blown away. and listening to brave new waves and heaing this (box elder)... holy fuck, stephen malkmus... you don't know that much about pavement, so you can't know that he's like (among) the greatest frontman of all time.... michale stipe was not close. lou reed, yes. iggy. i fucking accept a fundamental base here, you don't have to argue fucking first principles. fuck. anyway, i had no idea he (malkmus) was a guitar player. he's the greatest possible rock singer. how could he do somethign else? but i saw him on that last tour on guitar and he was something else.

[change]

i was dressed for success. but success it never comes.

[change]

you could wait for me or i could wait for you. but in the end, are you really the kind who wants to hang around? cause i'm not.


(*it's really wowie zowie)

too late to (night)

I thought I might do something
but I’m not going to do anything.
'Captain fantastic raised and regimented
hardly a hero', he sings overtop
of the clacking keys I’m depressing.
You can’t ask someone to be
everything all the time.
'Little dirt cowboys', that’s
what the song is called.

interested in this: 05/06

Role playing games.
Violin.
Ricky jay and magic.
Deadwood.
Golf.
Boxing.
Train robbers
con artists
Roy Gardner
John Dillinger
Violence
anxiety
Blogs
judaism.
Denmark.
Coureur des bois
LH Collider
Axis and Allies (Subsequent Versions)
Goldrush, Klondike.
Colonial courting habits
bix
and of course, endings.

bitter fingers

so what, you think you’re just talking to us now?

What?

Yeah, you wouldn’t give us the time in high school.

Did you ever ask?

...

(later)

Sex is like murder

Yeah. It’s like the only thing you get to do to someone else.

And it feels just as good when you get it done to you.

finding out that you're famous

bobby!

just listen again

They didn’t have Jameson.
Be good at what you can be good at.
What if you’re good at raping boys?
That’s the genius and tragedy of the double helix.
You’re so Lawful Neutral.
.... will you shut up with your DnD alignments.
...
Fucking dork.

my favourite

purple dark gray dark grey purple light gray
purple dark ray dar kray purple light ray
purple dark gray dark grey purple light grey

gas mileage cunt

oh fuck you precious.
you pretty stupid character
beauty, fuck you too.

to know it is to kill it

guilt depends on eye
witness testimony, but you
blind trust implicit.

con done

precious caterers
claim various shoulders as
french service genders
then again a
blame incoherent
finishes

lame duck

-alright bailey, here it is...

(use the ignore function. )

even though i have the ignore function... -ok, wait, i don't want to hear it back-

-you're gonna call her.

-no. because i feel right now like i felt when i quit smoking

-you mean when you went around to everyone asking for smokes?

-...rats

-haha!

birdie num num

swing the club softly
eighty percent of your strength
for straighter ball flight

frog and the scorpion

-sorry, i forgot if you said one or two sugars.

-thanks. don't worry, this is fine.

-...

-...

-i'm just not attracted to people that are attracted to me. what can i tell you?

wolf the nibs

new world old world
candy makes it easier
old views, new windows
but i like your
records.

dial m for pocky (syndication cheapens us)

the unsuspecting pals enjoyed their pocky, without anxiety, until...
gotcha'! give us the pocky!
run for it!
leave me, save yourself!
stupid pumpkin. you should have given us the pocky!
the end.

run from crushes (redux)

through handling, objects are refined. sometimes, they are taken for granted. subjected to garage sales or abandoned apartments. when asked, people say the one thing they'd take from their burning home would be their photoalbums. Their pictures.

i would pick my guitar because i could probably get $2000 for it* and that'd be a stake. pictures can't buy coffee. but that's a negative side of me. anyway, you're lucky if you got a house to burn. god be praised. though his purpose seem vague.

you get better with a thing the longer you get to be with it. but you can come to hate a thing too, the more you know it. the more mysteries it surrenders, the more disappointed we get. to know it is to kill it.


*assuming that the force majeur was local and not global and that usual economies would remain in play.

best things are taken

my phone messages
are killing all over town
but at what expense?

here i go again

yes, metal lovers, that's a whitesnake reference. shameover, futilitarian, bitterati, karmageddon. these words are more or less the story of the last ten years. i didn't make them up. But i've been surrounded by them and i believe in them. look, they're not everything. everything can't be everything, as my niece pointed out to me while wriggling backwards along the marble floor, wolfing nibs. it's a sad thing when kids make you tired. but then again, kids have no idea what's about to happen.

out of character

it's true.

i just can't believe it. you really did it?

yep.

i didn't think you had it in you.

well, now she does.

nice!

out for dinner

-everything seems to be drizzled or infused these days.

-uh huh... sometimes a figure can be drawn that contains information that is incompatible with the visual processing system.

- uh, whatever reutersvard. .... so, are you a proponent of the baltimore trip or what?

-as compared to brooklyn?

-yeah.

vale tudo

ortiz slams elbows
pistons slash jackhammers on
shamrock's hall of fame

sensual pleasures

trysting the night away

king waterbed springs
sinking we swim for our lives
bad drowned oiled birds

forgot to bring it

...overall i'd have to say i'm unimpressed.

mmnm.

that's not to say there aren't, moments, where you're really getting close to something.

mmhmm.

but overall...

unimpressed.

yeah.

queen bitch

What do you want?

Everything.

No, I mean for lunch. I’m calling now.

Oh. I don’t care. Get me the opposite of what you’re having.

carson

petty crime? i don't care. i think about kids who figure out how to steal. i think that it demonstrates a throw-back resourcefullness. me and my friends all knew how to steal. we could trick you out of whatever you had on you. i was the weak link. i worried about the future. that's a detriment to the criminal.

where i grew up, nothing came easy. the houses were small squares. you could tell by the yards and the bushes who had money, and who had trouble. it wasn't irish, but it wasn't easy.

at school the kids were tough, like it was at home. but they weren't stupid. our parents were good people and smart with money and temper. they knew the cost of things. they knew how to punish too.

...

in school, carson was the king. one year, he had a seemingly endless supply of smoke bombs. he'd dole them out occasionally; his prices varied according to your status. fuck, if i could make a shirt it would say "carson". that guy. in grade eight, we had a quebec trip if you took french, so we all took french. one week in QC. then in la belle province teenagers could buy knives and dildos and porn at the head shops. we all bought switchblades when the teachers weren't looking. i think they didn't look on purpose. what you can't see you don't have to deal with, right?

anyway, you could do alot of things, but you couldn't smoke. if you got caught smoking cigarettees it meant you were sent home. so when i got caught out the window of our dorm window, i knew that was it.

so the teachers burst in the room and catch me basically red-handed and demand with pointed fingers: 'were you smoking?' and carson cooly says while we're all petrified, 'bailey doesn't smoke'. so they sent carson home and he never said a word. when i got back, i tried to give him the butterfly knife i'd bought but he goes: "it's cool b. it's cool."

woman you're a mess (dealer's perspective)

her dog bled from the head and died in a ferocious paroxysm. the tumour had grown for months and split the soft pelt weeks ago. she did nothing. i've been selling her for about nine years. she's never borrowed or asked for a spot. she's always had me in and her house has always presented well. most of my customers pride themselves on how you can't tell they use. they're in denial. but not her. with her, you'd never know. she was just no good with animals.

you can't choose your regulars

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august not march

lost weekend

all kinds of nothing

-which paul?

-the 'that's why i got pepper spray' paul.

-oh shit. i think i dated him.

-s.l.u.t.!

they're all leaving for the a____e____ show. (i want to get home before i forget all these great things that are happening in this moment, but obviously i didn't.)

-bailey! are you coming with us?

sometimes when you get in a fight or you take speed or crash a car or whatever, it's all for the same reason.

-yeah, i'll go.

bix

le mort d'arthur

i got some slivers in my hands this weekend as i was collecting spiny hedge cuttings from the yard. i anticipate how these painful slivers will cause major problems for my golf grip during tomorrow's round so i'm frantic to remove them. however, i could not locate a pin or tweezers with which to pick them out (SOP for splinters and slivers), so i tried sucking them out with my mouth, pressing the meat around them with my fingernails and even with my teeth but nothing works and mostly i just injure my hands even worse. this goes on for hours. finally, my friend says to me, what are you biting your fingers for? so i show her the slivers and she gets all excited and says, can i cut them out for you? i love taking out other people's slivers. i was like, no way!

that night, while soaking my hands in cups of water (thinking that this will soften the skin enough the the teeth method might actually work) i watched a national geographic special on monkeys grooming cats. i wonder if a cat can love a monkey. anyway, so, after some soaking, i get a pairing knife (pearing knife? i love homophones. like when we were kids and we had those pink, grade-school issued notebooks that said on the cover "etobicoke board of education" and we'd scrawl overtop "[the kids of] etobicoke [are] board of education". it was the 'board' that made it hilarious) and slice down into my fingertips to get at the slivers; which by this time are, like porcupine quills, working themselves deeper into my flesh in an attempt to get to my heart and kill me. beads of blood well up out of the gouges and i become slightly faint. the monkeys meanwhile have discovered how to comb the cats with crude implements like rough sticks and bunches of grass.

in the end, it all worked out fine. and i went back to drinking and lying like always. you never learn from things you can escape i guess.

apache

raised on promises

-you know what i want?

put your fingers up my ass?

-yeah, that. but also a clear conscience.

yeah, that'd be nice.

-let's get out of here.

one more shot?

-alright.

try some, buy some

more fw

prehensile.
rotunda.
teton.

so hot that

...zookeepers are feeding lions frozen blood to cool off.

the heater don't work (you're no mencken)

jonny used to smack me upside my head with his palm. 'are you stupid?' he'd fold his chin in and look around the fire at his friends like i was unbelievable. i had no comeback. mostly though they'd let me stick around without trouble. they'd send me into town for condoms, beers and cigarettes. they were older and darker and they'd let me keep the change. sometimes i'd drive their pick-ups home for them with their girlfriends. all the way they'd tell me how lazy their boyfriends were and how they were all so leaving all this small town shit. sometimes they'd tell me how cute i was.

one time, this girl named veronica had a ronettes tape and we listened to be my baby over and over on the drive back to the city. she fell in love with jonny after he left highschool to work at the plant. he had a telecaster and a paycheque and she was in grade 11. but she wasn't in highschool anymore. i had elastics on my braces and my pops had just given me his father's .22. he'd took off for florida the next day. she was wasted but her plan made sense. i mean, nothing ever happened in our shitty town.

anyway, everytime i hear the ronettes, this is what i think about. she sent me the tape my second year of the hitch. no note. just a pack of matches from the bar with her lipstick kiss on it. she actually married jonny's brother right after the murder, but he died of brain cancer at 32. left her with two kids and six payments on the trailer. i read about it in the paper. i don't blame her for rolling over on me. but i wonder about the brother. you think about time different when you're in a box.

(conscience is the inner voice which warns us someone may be looking.)

are you awake?

you know the pot i found on the floor at hero burger?

yeah.

it's fuckin awesome.

you're crazy.

so you're coming over?

i guess. you want something from the s'lev?

hoop dreams (babyface)

i find this deflated basketball in the trash outside the bar and it totally captures my imagination. i'm so bummed from charlie v being traded, you know. with an idea, i start digging through other queen street trash and i find an empty cardboard box. it says: 'handle with care', but i'm not going to. so i set it up against a sidewalk tree trunk. and i start bombing shots. they're dropping like i'm A.I. ball don't lie. sometimes i throw a fred jones into it. (c___ fucking exhales this: it's an imac box. fucking on dirt roots of a sidewalk fucking curb tree, you suck dude) anyway, i'm into it. i'm breaking ankles. then a guy comes out and i want to have fun. i take a shot just as he moves towards the box and it hits him in the head! i put my palms up, but he freaks and throws the ball at me and it hits me in the balls. i lose it and go right at him. at the last second i figure i'll just wrap him up. he's kind of a punk. to diffuse it, i start up the game verbally. i try to make it loose and cut the tension giving him eye contact and calling out: 'hits the open man' but he doesn't get it or put his hands up and my pass hits him right in the chest. (no justice for squaring me but) i say, 'i'm not antagonistic!' but i'm figuring at this point he must not speak english because he puts his skateboard behind him and steps up. trying to ward off the inevitable, i pull out a movie quote -- despite my antipathy to all things celluloid: 'english mutherfucker! do you speak it?!' nothing. he's got that brutal stupid drunk look plastered in his eyes and all i can think about in that moment is babyface nelson. what would he do?